Whatever It Takes

A strangled smile fell from your face

It kills me that I hurt you this way

The worst part is that I didn't even know

Now there's a million reasons for you to go

But if you can find a reason to stay

I'll do whatever it takes

To turn this around

I know what's at stakeI know that I've let you down

And if you give me a chance

Believe that I can change

I'll keep us together

Whatever it takes

She said if we're gonna make this work

You gotta let me inside even though it hurts

Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see

She said like it or not it's the way it's gotta be

You gotta love yourself if you can ever love me

I'll do whatever it takes

To turn this around

I know what's at stake

I know that I've let you down

And if you give me a chance

And give me a break

I'll keep us together

I know you deserve much better

Remember the time I told you the way that I felt

And that I'd be lost without you and never find myself

Let's hold onto each other above everything else

Start over, start over

I'll do whatever it takes

To turn this around

I know what's at stake

I know that I've let you down

And if you give me a chance

Believe that I can change

I'll keep us together

Whatever it takes

* This is the lyrics to Lifehouse's song "Whatever it takes". I love this song...and it goes with my current situation. I'm hoping for the best!

Woo Hoo!

Tonight, for the first time since December 26, 2007, I ate solid food! At dinner, I was able to eat two slices of cheese pizza from my FAVORITE pizzeria! This is the happiest I have been in quite some time :)

The Unattainable Man

So I am sitting here eight days post tonsillectomy surrounded by trashy tabloids, studying material, ice water, and product samples I have yet to try. I haven't accomplished one damn thing since I have been recovering! I'll I have done is sit around and mope about him. All this time I thought I wanted the unattainable man. I wanted the one man on earth who would never settle down for anything. Then I realised it was me who was the unattainable one. I mean really this fabulous guy comes into my life...he is smart, attractive, funny, cultured, and he wants me. What do I do about this? I lie to him, betray him, and push him away... not once, but twice. He would have given me everything that he could, why wouldn't I just open up to him. He was willing to give up everything and come here to live with me in New Orleans because that is what I wanted. Not even once did I fancy the idea of what he wanted. What would be best for his career? Would he be happy here? I just assumed I would be enough, but how could I have been enough when he doesn't even know who I am? It's my fault he doesn't know me. Well, he knows a little about me but it's what he didn't know about me that tore us apart. He now considers me shady, I understand this...I just wish I would of done something about it at the time. I had the chance. I went to all the way to California to tell him exactly how I felt about him, but when I got there I didn't. I arrived drunk, and left angry. Angry that I didn't just tell him that I loved him. And then tell him everything. So now I am here at my desk, thinking about all of the good times. Thinking of him. Thinking of what could have been. I believe my broken heart hurts much worse than my throat...and there is no pain medication for that.

No Subject

Women are strange creatures. My friends especially. My ex and I have been broken up now for almost three years, and still they find it necessary to alert me about his every action. Some of these girls, the only time I hear from them is when they have spotted him out and about. Example: Today I received a text message just letting me know that he was waiting for a table at Chili's with his dad. I responded to let her know that I really didn't care, but thanks for the thought. She seemed offended. Is there an unspoken law that I'm not aware of? Are we all supposed to secretly stalk our friends exes? Does not doing this make you a bad friend... or maybe just a peace keeper? Whatever happened to ignorance being bliss? This is why I'm glad my recent ex doesn't live here. At least I won't have it thrown in my face every time he is out with another woman.

Game Over

I feel so sorry so for you. No one is playing your little games any more. You are the only one left on the playing field. We have all went home. Maybe you don't have a home or a life. He warned me about you. I should have listened. But that's my fault, and I have excepted the consequences to my actions. "You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can not fool all of the people all of the time." Remember this quote... your lies will catch up to you. Thank you for the funny texts...It's like getting the joke of the day!

Susan's Shears

I am a cosmetologist. Most people do not take my profession seriously, but it's an art. It's a skill that anyone can learn, but only a few can truly master it. Today I recieved a gift from my brother in law, he gave me his mother's shears. This is a really big deal! His mother passed a few years ago from breast cancer. I am so honored that he gave ME her shears. A hairdressers shears aren't just another pair of scissors...they kind of define you. They help you create your art... your passion. I remember my first hair cut...I was so nervous until my client looked at me and said she loved it. It was the best high. Now, I have Ms. Susan's shears. They are the perfect pair. I don't know much about her, but I hope her shears will inspire me! Thank you John, I will take good care of them!

Day Three

I think I am the most pitiful patient in the whole wide world. It has been three days and I have done absolutely NOTHING. I have taken my medicine and slept. I feel so worthless, but I guess there isn't much you can do when you can't even speak and you are drugged up on liquid lortab. I'm ok with not speaking...I just wish I could eat. I'm so hungry right now! Once my throat is healed I'm NEVER eating soup or jello again! Ok, enough bitching for one night.... Happy Holidays!